This I Know

I don’t know very much. I don’t know very much at all. I know what it feels like to hit invisible walls, I know what it is to feel small and insignificant. Sometimes I think I know what it is to feel loved,loved passionately and undeservedly be a heart that beats much stronger than my own. I know what it is to collapse at the end of my on strength, and I know what it is to find strength in a will apart from my own. But really I don’t know very much. I don’t know very much at all.

What I do know I tend to have to relearn frequently. It’s easy to get comfortable where I am, and to forget my first love, Jesus. It’s easy to become satisfied with just drops of his living water instead of the glories of swimming in it. It’s not hard to lose the plot, and to allow my spiritual senses to be dulled. There are plenty of distractions I can bide my time with… And then I always end up back here: from one angle or another staring up at this ugly, beautiful cross, and the lover whose heart I am breaking. I don’t know much, but I know that this is important; that everything else proceeds from here.

I don’t know much, but I know that I can’t love others with his heart until I’ve seen his heart for me. I’m beginning to comprehend this love that is more like insanity, and this sacrifice that looks like death, but leads to life. Oh what life! To have it, and to have it abundantly would be my life’s greatest pursuit. To know this love, and to love him back with every atom of my being; to share my life with him-to never get comfortable again. Whoever said ignorance is bliss was obviously wrong because this is bliss, and ignorance is a sad and unfortunate waste of time. Now the Lover and I can share life, each moment of mine I owe to him because he saved my life for eternity. I can lead others to this love with his help. Nothing can ever come close to comparing with this; why do I settle for a mundane and comfortable existence over it? That may be easier, but it’s not nearly as fulfilling.

I may not know much, but I know that chances are high I will choose ignorance, and then reach this point again. But maybe there will be a longer gap in between this time? I don’t know why he loves me; I must be the most unfaithful person on earth, but I love that he loves me, for nothing compares to this love. I don’t know very much. I don’t know very much at all. I know what it feels like to hit invisible walls, I know what it is to feel small and insignificant. Sometimes I think I know what it is to feel loved, loved passionately and undeservedly be a heart that beats much stronger than my own.  This is one of those times.

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Categories: Ponderings | Tags: , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “This I Know

  1. This reminds me of something I read in Star Wars.

    ‘The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins – but in the heart of its strength is weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
    Love is more than a candle.
    Love can ignite the stars.’

    One lone candle. One candle is enough to hold all the darkness in the world back. Just the tiniest light is more powerful than the strongest darkness.

    And darkness WON’T always win. It may have won, it may win again, but one day it will end forever.

    If that’s not encouraging, I don’t know what is.

  2. That’s ok. Great quote by the way…beautiful.

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