My latest ambition is to become a truckdriver…or a psychiatrist. I’ve been pondering lately a conversation I had not too long ago, a conversation about a friend of a relative who committed suicide. Pondering “How do you reach people like that?” The drug addict recluse who is probably already hostile to religion and God. How do you reach him? I’m sure there are plenty of ways besides becoming a truck driver or psychiatrist; those dreams probably won’t last more than three weeks, but the question has and will. How do you reach them? Playing it by ear, twitching the fishing line with a practiced concentration. The problem is I can’t be a fisher of those fish unless I have a line that reaches the twilight zone; I can’t be a fisher of men that I hardly interact with beyond rubbing shoulders in the grocery store.
“Not all who wander are lost.”: this is a quote I have been enamored with for quite some time. If not all who have “the curse of the gypsy’s blood” are lost doesn’t that imply that some of them have the map to the treasure the others are unknowingly seeking? Doesn’t that imply that some fishers of men do fish in the twilight zone against seemingly impenetrable odds? Doesn’t that make you want to be one who wanders but is not lost? Observing truck drivers in a restaurant the other day, picking up a magazine with pictures of Yosemite climbers’ camp 4, reading a book about miners. The fringe, the abnormal, the deeply beloved by God…sometimes I wonder if that’s where I’ll end up. Occasionally orphans in Africa are the ones that burden my heart, but most often it’s the people I don’t know how to reach: the people in my future, the people now.
It’s so easy to live for tomorrow, but remembering the people I am in contact with today is so important. If I live my whole life for tomorrow I will never make a difference. (Can you tell that I’m trying to tell myself this?) Today, right now, I’m in contact with a guy from juvie, a friend from an abusive home, a wondering intellectual. What to say to let Christ work in and through me today? These are the questions of the here and now: the case by case split second decisions, I don’t always make the right choice. But I’m learning; I’m growing day by day. I don’t fear fear, I fear stagnation. I want life without limits, love without conditions, caring without trusting. A friend of mine once told me “You can take the tiger out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the tiger.” It’s just that some of us have a little more jungle inside that others. If the hard to reach are tigers I guess that means I’m fishing for catfish…I’ll let you decipher what that has to do with being a truck driver or psychiatrist.