Bittersweet Endings

It’s coming closer. I’m watching its progress with both dread, and relief. You would think I would be used to this by now, but every time it’s just a little bit different, every time  it’s a bittersweet ending.  The end of the school-year is coming closer, and my heart is being pulled in two directions. It’s like finishing an especially good book: You are left with a kind of satisfaction, but the author left off  soon enough that you yearn for a little more time with the characters you have grown to know and love. Some of them will come again in a sequel which is to be published in six months, and some are gone forever.  The time is slipping through my fingers, though I try to hold on. I want to savor every moment; I know from experience that the characters cannot come quite as alive the second time through. Rereading the school-year in my personal paper journal is not ever the same as living it, because the surprise is gone. That element of newness, and unpredictability is a precious thing I often take for granted, it’s something I’m trying to treasure lately.

This change is not all bad. There are many things I am looking forward to, things that I often find myself yearning closer until I remember the stuff I am leaving behind. The summer holds its own traditions.  There will be times to revisit those that I had been forced to leave behind. Things, people, and emotions that come “but once a year” are not unique to the winter. Helping at Vacation Bible School, and day camp.  Camping with the same friends on the same weekend every year. There will be new people entering my life. There will be the annual archery shoot, and family camp. There will be hours of  “messing about in boats.” Before I know it there will be the fall fairs and parades. Parades with familiar faces I had left behind months ago, with the basketball and wrestling teams throwing candy just a little too profusely and energetically in my direction. I’m fairly sure you could knock someone out with a Tootsie pop…

But I’m not there now; I’m here. I’m here lingering over these last months of the school-year before summer kicks in to full swing. I’m trying to make a difference, and use my time wisely. I’m trying to live in the moment; not for the past or future. That’s not as easy as it sounds. Seizing each day and living it out to full potential is no simple task, but it is the task I am called to, it is a part of the person I am trying to become. So although this ending will be bittersweet, and although my heart is being pulled towards both past and future I will try to set my heart on today. I will try to live for the moment because being able to roll with the punches, and respond to the unpredictable takes all of the attention I’ve got. There’s no more time for past and future; only here and now, but I will take one last moment to invite you to come with me. To come and really live.

Categories: My Life | Tags: , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Bittersweet Endings

  1. murtaghsgirl

    So, this is the first post you’ve made I haven’t been able to relate to. I cant wait for school to end. I feel absolutely no remorse. It’s still very nicely written though. I’m just one of those people who wants to burn their schoolbooks.

    • Ha! Ya, I know, I’m the odd one out on this one. It’s not the academics I’ll miss so much as the people. I love people, and I feel that the school is my mission field; being as such it has taken a piece of my heart. I could go on forever about this, but I’ll leave it there. Hopefully even though you don’t share my passion that helps it make sense?

      • murtaghsgirl

        Okay, I get it now. I’m homeschoooled, so I’ve never looked at it from that point of view.

  2. Great post! Your enthusiasm is awesome.
    Just out of curiosity, what type of school do you go to? I go to a public school. I love it. Yes, it has flaws (as any sort of school system does), but I feel so blessed to attend my school for free. When you think about it, students in America are so lucky!
    I’ve got a feeling that missionaries feel the same way when God calls them to leave their field for a while. It’s hard to feel like you’re missing out on opportunities to witness.
    I’ll be praying that you have an amazing summer! Let it be a sabbatical of sorts… a time of refreshing for your next season of school. Dive into God’s word. Figure out how you can be even more effective this coming fall. I’ll also be praying that God will use you to change someone’s life during the summer, your season of waiting.
    Could you pray for me too? I’m struggling with some of those same things. It seems that my time in high school is slipping away too quickly. I want to make the most of every moment.

  3. I go to a public school… or at least that’s what I was referencing here; my education is kind of complicated. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel. It’s like I’m wasting time and not being as effective. I will try to treat it as a sabbatical, as a time to go deeper, and grow closer.

    I appreciate your prayers more than you will ever know. It means so much. And yes, of course I will pray for you. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who’s struggling with this. Every time my mind wanders this topic I will pray for you. Thank you for your prayers, and for your comment!

  4. Never went to public school (well, I guess college counts), but I always sort of hated when it ended. Missed all the growing, all the effort. Maybe soon I’ll be back, quoting you, ha. 🙂

    Good luck to your minifinale, enjoy it hard!

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