Discipline is not a word I like or look forward to. Some people would call me a quitter; I just call myself someone who doesn’t want to waste time on things that aren’t worth the effort I put into them, Someone who struggles to have the self-control to do the things that are worth it sometimes. This is one of those times. Why is it so much easier to stay strong in the hard times? When I face opposition. Without it I feel myself slipping when I don’t want to be, I feel myself falling away. But I don’t want to fall away from the everlasting arms. I want always to remember, and cherish the One who spilled His blood for me. I want to get to know Him more each day. I’m not good at discipline; I’m better at desperation, but it’s worth the discipline. I know it.
Yes, I’ll admit it: I would prefer hardship over self control, a spiritual oasis over that. I know, be careful what you wish for, but wouldn’t it be worth anything to get back to the time when God was addictive? God isn’t based on feelings, I know that, I’ve made it through the drought times before, but I need to make it through now. Laziness is condemned over and over in Proverbs. Am I honestly going to let laziness get in between me, and God? No, that’s not in the plan at all. I need to stay strong. That’s so easy to type in words, yet so hard to live. I’m finding myself longing for the school year lately. It’s easier to practice when I know the battle is at hand, when conflict is bound to come at any moment.
“I don’t need easy, I just need possible.” I admire those who are strong enough to say that. I wish I could make a claim at being that brave. I hold a great respect for the disciplined, and I’m working on it. Pray for me, would you? I’m still working, I’m still wrestling, this post has no easy ending. I am not giving up for the easy and temporarily rewarding. I’m going deeper than that, and i refuse to be satisfied with it. I’m working towards discipline, or something, I’m not going to let laziness, or Satan, or anything else get in my way. This isn’t over yet.