How to begin? I’ve been learning lately, trekking upwards, growing. Sometimes it hurts. It forces me to break my humanized, boxed up, fathomable version of God. The self-righteous, proud, self-loving part of me has to go. I have to realize that I’m not just imperfect; I’m a selfish, splintered, filthy mess. My heart is wicked. I have to see salvation as not just a giving up of my heart to be cleansed, but of His heart being put in my hear’s place. His heart beating for His passions.
But so often I take my old self back, and He lets me because He loves me-He gives me the choice. And that complicates things immensely. Eventually I’m forced to realize that I can’t be like Jesus on my own. And the cycle starts again. It’s so easy to laugh at the Israelites; they experienced miracles, and denied God the next day?! But is that pattern really so different from my own? Life is hard, and I make it harder for myself. The heart is wicked above all things.
I need Him to save me from the surf as it sweeps over me incessantly. He is my peace: the breath of life. Why He loves me after I deny Him so many times I cannot understand, but I truth that He does.He is God, and His ways are higher than mine. I guess that is where the scary word submission comes into play. Because I can’t see the big picture I need to trust Him, and I believe that His way is best. As the Director advises me from offstage I have to obey, and not just do what feels right. When I take the reigns to my own life things don’t turn out well.
It’s hard to hand over the reigns. It’s hard to allow Him to break me in order to reshape me. But It is best. So that;s where I am…back here again. Where are you? Where has your journey with Christ brought you at this moment, this day? Maybe you haven’t even started yet. Let me tell you: it ain’t easy, but it’s good.