And Life Returns


And life returns: battles with procrastination and selfishness (small mountains in the scope of things, but they loom unconquerable from the bottom.) Days of ‘meaningless, meaningless’ come again. At least, meaningless on the grand scale; meaningless without God. I am left with little time for pondering; with a great deal of busyness, and the second guessing of actions and motives.It’s rather Ecclesiastically depressing when examined too closely. Yay for the new year. Yep.

I want to make a difference, be the change, and all that jazz, but sometimes I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. Changing the world one life at a time is a nice slogan, but not very fun when being lived out. It’s more like one small action, or opportunity at a time- it sure doesn’t feel like changing the world. But I trudge on because I can’t walk out on my own story, and I fulfill expectations half out of obligation, and half habit, maybe sometimes with a little spark of hope that I might be changing something for somebody..

Yes, this is the depressing post when  I look back on what feels like a squandered year, and predict little change for the next even though I know there have been little changes over the last one that have made me a better person. People can never be good anyways. I’m sorry if the post has brought you low. though I suppose we can’t be in the clouds all the time. I feel like I haven’t written very many happy things on here lately, but I’m not going to lie about the journey. Life’s not just pretty flowers, and pinterest inspiration, though I guess we’re all good at faking it.

There won’t be peace on this earth, but we’re pretty good at hiding violence under the ever-heightening rug, and only letting it escape into our safe cocoon occasionally. People fight to keep this safety. Lives given are underappreciated. Maybe we need to be shaken up a little. There’s one thing that really matters, but that seems so easy to forget between schedules and self-reliance. There is only one hope.

Happiness isn’t everything. I will not wish you a happy 2013, but I will wish you a good one filled with hope, growth, and at least some jubilation. Share the hope of not being stuck in this place of darkness forever even if it seems futile-only one action at a time. Don’t forget to seek the truth, and go to God so you will have a light to share. It’s a new year and time is short so use it wisely. I am persevering in this fight despite all my rants, frustrations, and complacency, and I hope you will too-even  when it hits you unexpectedly. Somewhere within please know this fight is worth it, and leaning on God find grace, and strength to carry on.

Categories: My Life, Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “And Life Returns

  1. Two things you said in this post stand out to me. (1) “People can never be good anyways” and (2) “Happiness isn’t everything” These are very important truths, and ones that we, and society at large, do not like to accept.

    If people aren’t good, they we can’t “be the change” (what a snappy slogan) and oops, there goes the pop culture solution to the worlds problems.

    I’ll come back to happiness in the end, but for the moment if you’ll pardon a degression…

    Procrastination, selfishness, laziness, and complaceny are all bad things. We struggle with those things, and we do need to put them to death. But I wonder if we let the world’s idea of what these are color our thinking. I am constantly gnashing my teeth at myself for not being as productive and diligent as I think I ought. It is good to examine ourselves, but I do wonder how much in measuring ourselves we buy into the world’s idea of works and happiness.

    The Israelities were given Sabbaths…every seventh day when they rested from labor, every seventh year, and every fiftith year they neither planted nor harvested. These were visible reminders to them that they had to trust God for provision. Imagine what lunatics they must have looked like. Not plant any food this year? What kind of lazy, complacent, procrastinator were they?

    Those commands given to the Israelities were only a shadow pointing to a larger reality. The author of Hebrews expounds on in his letter at some length. In saying, “There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God” (Heb. 4:9) the author of that letter pointed out that the seventh day of the week, the seventh year, and even the promised land itself did not ultimately fulfill the promse of that rest. Every idea of rest and provision (whether it be for life, food, inheiritence, etc) is fulfilled in Jesus.

    Are we resting in Jesus? Sometimes I wonder if when I berate myself for not spending X number of hours doing Y, or make so much progress on project Z if the issue is really about laziness, procrastination, etc. or if all that anxiety and self-condemnation is me not trusting Jesus to provide.

    It is good to be a diligent servant of the Master, but it is important to serve Him as He has called us–which means laboring in measure, and resting in measure. The world would have us chase after getting “A” grades in school, and successful jobs. As an overachiever myself, I admit I feel the pull. But I am not convinced that God would have us pour all our lives into the very best school grade, or the most successful and well-paying job.

    I guess that is all a very long-winded way of saying that while I am sure you do have faults of laziness, procrastination, etc, etc that you will need to deal with all your life, my enouragement is that you don’t forget that resting in God is equally important–though Satan will try to tell you that such is procrastination, laziness, and selfishness.

    How is all that sorted out. Well, the author of the book of Hebrews say another thing. “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” It is good to pay attention to what the Word of God is saying too us, and in us. It is the light by which we sort out all this issues of procrastination, laziness, and such.

    ….took me a lot of words to say that. Heh.

    Ok, anyhow, your comment about happiness not being everything made me think of this article: The author does not write from a Christian perspective, but in reading it I think you can pretty easily apply a Christian view to the topic. Basically, the article says the same thing as you “Happiness isn’t everything” but I thought you mind find it interesting to read how they explore the idea that the most meaningful lives may be very much unhappy, and the happiest people the most shallow self-centered.

    When you think about it the Bible pretty well reflects this idea. The prophets of the Old Testament were a unhappy bunch, and Moses was no chipper fellow. The record we have of Jesus is not of someone going about in a cloud of happiness. Happiness is a feeling, and in a world broken by sin it will be a fleeting feeling to anyone with eyes opened to this reality. Joy in the Lord is a different matter. But that is a reality based not upon circumstances, or the emotions elicited by those circumstances, but Joy in the Lord is based on what He has done.

    So yes, may you have Joy in the Lord in this coming year. Perhaps you will have fleeting moments of happiness, perhaps not. Like dessert such moments are nice, but not required. And God has certainly not called us to chase happiness, but to take up our cross and follow him.

    Sorry that ended up such a long meandering comment.

    • The difference between laziness, and rest…interesting to think about. Thank you for your thoughtful insights. They always shed some new light.

      The arcticle was interesting, and yes definately easy to apply a Christian worldview to. “The most meaningful lives may be very much unhappy.” So true. It makes me think of hymnwriters.

      No problem about the leangth. I appriciate you taking time to add your thoughts which I have been thinking about (and shall cotinue to be thinking about) as I continue the journey.

  2. Yeah, another thing that struck me about the article was in the beginning where the anecdotal story was shared about how the man convinced two men that they shouldn’t kill themselves in the concentration camp by telling them how they had to live to finish some great task. I couldn’t help thinking as I read that how a Christian’s reason for living (whether in unhappy and adverse circumstances, or otherwise) is more meaningful then what was offered as encouragement to the men in the concentration camp.

    • Yes, definately. Christians should have much more motivation to live, and to live well.I was recently reading the testimony of the leading singer of Casting Crowns (Mark Hall) it was very touching. He actually was going to commit suicide, and the one thing that stopped him was that he didn’t want to get his friend’s truck dirty. Then, as he grew to know God he had more and more reasons to live.

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