Life has been crazy lately with little time for definite thought between one thing, and the next. Yet the few thoughts I have had- the ones I’ve carved out time for- have been continuation of a thought process I’ve been traversing for quite some time. I want more. I want to go deeper, and not just be the one that everyone sees as a good Christian. (Not that I’m necessarily just that…it’s hard to explain.) I want to eliminate obligatory fluff I’ve been wasting my time on. I want to make mistakes, ask questions, and follow my own quest because I’ve yet to find anyone that I actually know in ‘real life’ who will go with me.
I’m not entirely sure if this is making sense. If not, please don’t hesitate to ask, and I will try to explain. Anyways, back to what I was saying, I can’t find anyone to go with me, and I have looked. Accountability is hard to find, and people who will vulnerably go beyond surface theoretical theology are rarer. I’ve tried, and I’ve sought, but the only results are things that fill up my time; that leave me less time for delving beyond that which is spiritually obvious to me.
I have to make time for God time, just as I have to make time for blogging, thinking, and writing (other things that are exponentially valuable to me, a.k.a. keep me sane). I sacrifice school, family, and sleep time to make room, so I need to be using my time with God in the most fulfilling, and beneficial way possible. I’m about to add a college class on to the load; I had better have my priorities straight. The forecast for summer is always less busy in theory, but this year the craziness has already overtaken more of my breaktime than I would like.
I don’t say all this for sympathy; I know that we are all busy, or at least that most people I know are run more ragged than they should be able to stand. I write this because it is a part of my journey, and because I would selfishly ask some of your precious time for prayer, as I seek to wisely reprioritize, and get rid of the expected, but unnecessary in my time with God. I’ve come to realize lately how short a time I have left in this season, and how much more I need to grasp in God before I can say that I’m able to stand on my own two feet (not entirely, mind you, but more than before). And that is all I have to say for now. I shall try to keep you posted on my ‘forgetting what lies behind, and striving for what is ahead.’ Please, feel free to share where you are in your journey as well. Let’s do this together, at least virtually, because honestly I can’t do this alone.