Brain Waves

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ve really struggled with what to write about this week. I settled on this, a demonstration of scattered thought, and groping mind. It is not cohesive, but hopefully it is comprehensible. And yet, hopefully it is not, for who can take God and reveal Him as understandable? This follows the waves of my brain as they have left their marks on  paper.

Passion and emotions ebb and flow.  God is good always- even when I don’t understand. I think about how little I know of God, though my pride would have me believe that I know much. It is like the song which has washed in and out of my brain lately in cycles: Where have I even stood, but the shore along Your [God’s] ocean?” I know so little, and yet strength is made perfect in weakness. Yet when I am unfaithful He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself.

I deserve nothing but Hell. I have been saved, and yet I am ungratefully unsatisfied. I look at the empty meaninglessness around me numbly. I care, but I hate that I don’t hurt anymore. The lost are important to me, but importance seems nullified by my being void of emotion. When will this valley end? I must believe that it  will end. I’ve been second guessing my motivations lately. Second guessing my motivations and actions;  dwelling on scenarios, and should haves. I know it’s not healthy.

Maybe this post is cycling, and moving like some crazy tide- like my life- hopefully it makes some sense. Hope…hope has pulled me though much. God makes the nonsensical endurable even when I can’t see Him. Sight versus faith: you can’t combine them. We walk by faith, and not by sight, and sometimes that’s hard, actually, it’s hard most of the time. You can’t simplify the Christian walk; you can’t catch God and make Him understandable. You can’t make life in a fallen world all better. Yet I will trudge on relying on faith, hope, and…music.

Yes, music. There is something about music that sustains the soul. With these, and a great incomprehensible God who has inexplicably chosen to love and save me I shall face the crazy world. I shall endure until that brilliant someday when I will wade in the crystal sea, and begin to explore the immeasurable endless depths of who God is, and who I need to be in relation to that. Maybe then I will feel as well as know God, as the fog placed by the Enemy is lifted. All things begin, and end with God, and all thought regarding Him should end with talk of  the brilliant someday when we will finally see His face. So this post shall end here, but the thinking shall continue, as my finite self tries to grasp my infinite Creator Lover Savior. Our God is awesome, and deserves our praise!

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Categories: Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , , | 7 Comments

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7 thoughts on “Brain Waves

  1. I think, perhaps, you get some of your most lyrical writing out by simply letting your brain waves go where they will. “you can’t catch God and make Him understandable. You can’t make life in a fallen world all better” is good.

    But this, “With these, and a great incomprehensible God who has inexplicably chosen to love and save me I shall face the crazy world. I shall endure until that brilliant someday when I will wade in the crystal sea, and begin to explore the immeasurable endless depths of who God is, and who I need to be in relation to that.” is very good!

    All things begin, and end with God …I like how you took the imagery of God as the sea from the song you referenced at the beginning, and tied it in to the crystal sea in Revelations. The latter is not strictly speaking God himself, but that was a great poetic use. Bravo!

    • Thank you!

      I find it amusing that the first quote you mentioned was written at one-o-clock at night and the other was written in the day time. Imagine that, I write better when I’m more than half awake. 😉

  2. I agree with silverwarethief. The christian life is supernatural, or it is nothing at all. How can we explain supernatural in our natural means? I think you may come as close to it as anyone. Don’t let the devil get you down. He loves to target those who pose him the most danger. I love your previous article, too. I think you pose the devil danger. I actually stopped by, due to a previous conversation. My daughter-in-law says this is a great book on the balance of male leadership and women’s submission. I don’t know. I have not seen it, but thought you might like to check on it. Title: “Boundaries in Marriage”, by: Henry Cloud.

    • Again, thank you. You are right, I can only attempt to put the supernatural in words, and I never fully capture it.

      I will have to order that book on inter-library loan. Thanks for your reccomendation. There are many books on this subject, and I appreciate it when someone reccomends a good one. Also, thank you for adding me to your blog page. I just added you to mine. I’m not sure why it wasn’t there before.

  3. P.S. I have a “blogs I enjoy” page, on my site now. You’re there! Just thought you might like to know.

  4. Nastya Andreyevna

    “God is good always, even when I don’t understand.”

    YES!!

    That is what is keeping me alive because sometimes I feel like I don’t understand ANYTHING at all. Especially when it comes to God. I want concrete answers! (Ha, and I am Orual all over.)

    That, and music, YES. It’s an absolute lifeline. Right now, I’m living off two things – music, and stories. Stories of broken, brave people that would rather die than give in. I hope I’ll be able to live off of maybe stronger, more substantial things soon, but right now, these are the things that keep me from giving in. I just listened to Kutless’s song “Even If” for the first time, and these lyrics grabbed me:

    “Even if the healing doesn’t come,
    And life falls apart
    And dreams are still undone,
    You are God, You are good,
    Forever Faithful One.”

    Even if, You are good. Always.

    Your writing gets better and better. This was beautiful, friend! 🙂

    • That makes two of us (Oruals I mean). I know that ultimately it is better to have a God who is beyond comprehension, but that doesn’t keep me from wanting to understand.

      YES to the stories. They give me the hope I need to carry on, and also yes to those lyrics; they capture everything.

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