I don’t like mediocrity. I like people who are real, and honest, and vulnerable. I don’t like people who settle for normal, and fit in. I like the idea of living life loud and un-scumbled, but it’s so easy to fade in- losing one bit of individuality at a time until mediocrity has overcome and I am living for them instead of for my Creator. My life tends to go in cycles. I pledge to myself that I’ll not let normalcy overcome me and live valiantly for a while, but then comes the slow fade. Eventually I revive, and the cycle starts again. I don’t like being trapped in cycles; it frustrates me.
Now, I’m reviving again, and this time the cold splash in the face has been two songs from a genre I don’t usually listen to. Of course there are other things too. Other songs (like “Never Going Back to OK” by The Afters), stories, events… I finally read the first book of The Hunger Games (way behind the times, I know.) It was good. Submitting a very vulnerable piece to read at writers day… I did that weeks ago because even though I had other plans initially I knew I was supposed to.
I do wish I could break this cycle, but there is also the appeal of normalcy. It’s been an interesting week. Reading that piece in front of twenty or so of my peers. People respect you when you’re real. Be vulnerable and they’ll call you strong. Sometimes. And then there was the punch, which would have been more effective as an uppercut. He deserved it anyways. Like I said, it’s been an interesting week.
And I have come to the conclusion ( tell me if you think I’m wrong) that you can’t live loud like Jesus without also being like Peter. Because I’m not perfect, and if I’m going to live life with intensity then both my successes and my failures will be immensely huge. Which, I think, is why we live halfheartedly- because It’s safe. And some of us don’t care as much about safety as we do about honesty so we live in cycles as if that really is so much better.
And so I shall see what this next week brings. Living loud is dangerous. The emotions in response to success and failure are not always what I think they should be. But I would venture to say that it’s worth it. I’m still living this adventure, still stuck in this frustrating cycle, but I’ll make the most of being on the top of the Ferris Wheel. Maybe eventually I’ll figure out how to unstrap these restraints, and live life louder. I’ll keep you guys posted on my crazy life; I have no more clue what’s ahead then you all. ‘Till then let me urge you to live life LOUD and let me know how it goes. The only way we can make it through this is together.