Not All Better

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIt would be nice to say that everything is all better now, but it wouldn’t be honest. There are good moments and there are bad hours. Such is life. These last days have been busy without much time for thinking, and I’m still not sure if that is good or bad. There has been much laughter with people, and many unshed tears of frustration without them; the laughter was real, and so was the frustration. I’ll never figure me out, though I do know small things. I know I like to play hard, and I know that I am horribly selfish. I know that I like people, and words, but especially sarcastic words and people. I usually dislike numbers. I know that I enjoy good food almost too much, and that I’ll never stop wishing to fly. I know that I am loved by God. Well that was off topic, wasn’t it?

What I really came to share was a poem I wrote recently because I thought I lacked the words to write a blog post. I’m beginning to doubt that I lack the words, but I still hold that I have nothing new to say. So I present you this poem in all it’s imperfection, not because you need to know more about where I am or say nice words about it, but because maybe it will touch you, and maybe the brokenness of art will stir your soul. That’s what I would like to hope anyways. Before that poem I’ll share some words that belong to Rich Mullins, a fool for Christ, which helped me make it  through this past week.

    “We don’t ever understand what we’re praying.”

Simple faith and wonder
Back when all wasn’t based on me.
They say we only progress through times of despair;
I say I want to see.
I want God to quench my longing,
to fill my cup over.
The desert sands are calling
For a sip of living water.
 
He said drink and you’ll never thirst again,
But I am as the deer-
Panting, longing, yearning when
The water must be near.
Just Beyond my grasp it seems,
Spirit and tongues of fire.
Will I ever glean
Why He ways wait to my desire?
 ¶
Jesus, Savior fill my cup.
I need to feel your nearness.
If You don’t come I might give up,
For nothing can match your dearness.
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Categories: My Life, Poems, Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Not All Better

  1. It always feels like it would be nicer if life was like a TV show, where all of this weeks problems are resolved next week, and with a nice little moral lesson after the commercial break. But somehow God decided it was good to have the struggle run deeper and the resolutions be not so neat, or quick, as we would like. Came across a blog post recently that touches on this. I think you’d appreciate it, but I intended to send it as a link in my next email to you, so you’ll have to wait until then, 🙂

    • So true.

      When I get a chance I need to go through the links in your e-mail. We had kind of a family emergency the night it came in so I haven’t go a chance to do more than skim it.

  2. I don’t have much to say, except that some how the title of your post is what keeps me pondering the most. I guess none of us are really ALL better, and never will be on this earth. That, and I took a stint at poem writing when I was at a sticking point, too. Somehow it’s not something I can do on demand.

    • Hmm, I hadn’t thought about that, but it is true. And no, poem writing isn’t something I can do on demand either. A lot of times I feel like writing though, and I decide if I’ll put the spark to blog post, journal entry, letter, or poem, so in a way I can do it on demand I guess.

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