Hard But Good

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI missed blogging this past week.  It’s good to see the empty posting screen again, and tap out words that wrap around my thoughts again. But my thoughts are so scattered I feel they might scare you away. It’s hard to describe how these last two weeks have been “the best of times…[and]…the worst of times.” With God, with people. Overall. Hard doesn’t always mean bad, and good doesn’t always mean happy, though I’ve had my happy moments in undeservedly large amounts as well. Late nights, long laughs, and honest conversations. Being crazy busy means, at least, that I don’t feel I’ll die from lack of people.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love the people? But I’m coming up on what I know will be my last chance with many of them, and that scares me because they need God. But I’m so messed up and screwed up there’s now way they’ll see Him in me apart from His grace. Coming unglued has it’s benefits- all glory to God and none to me. And have these last three years made a difference? Has He been able to use me at all? Looking at a sharpied note from three years ago from the girl who now smokes in the school parking lot I’m tempted to doubt. But then, it’s not about me anyways. But, but…I still care. I want her to find God and His love, the only one that’s truly fulfilling.

It’s been a good summer filled with fun. I don’t know if I’m ready for it to end. Scratch that, I know I’m not. But underneath the fun has been wrestling, and long struggles in the dark. It’s good to feel again, but that doesn’t mean the hard times are over. All the answers never come.  So I keep fighting even though it’s not easy, and even when it feels like the hard things will never end. But these past two weeks maybe I’ve felt less like I’m alone; less separated from God and people. And that, at least, is good.

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Categories: My Life, Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “Hard But Good

  1. Sometimes it good to take a step back from blogging and remember that there is more to life than blogging, and analyzing everything through the written. Sometimes we need to just live it. Yeah, I need to remember that too.

  2. I hate to ask (as I’m sure you’ve heard this question a million times during the past few months. I have!), but what’s next in your life?

    I FINALLY decided where I’m going to college. John Brown University in Arkansas! 🙂 Major? I’m not sure.

    • Haha, yep, I’ve heard it many times. Right now I’m thinking of staying out of school for at least a year after my senior year, possibly longer. One of my biggest goals is to stay debt free, and I’ve got some good advice not to go to college unless I have direction. I just know so many people who’ve gone and don’t use their degrees at all. Some can’t even get a job to pay off college loans.

      There’s my long winded answer. 😉 May God bless your choice. We’ll have to stay in touch; it will be interesting to see where life takes us.

      • I think you’re making a great decision. I was honestly very close to doing the same thing. However, the way my scholarships worked, I had to begin using them this fall or I would lose them. 😦 If it wasn’t for the scholarship rules, I probably would have taken a year off to work and save up money.

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