A Poem & A Pondering

The poem…
I wish I had common sense,                                               
A nickel or dime would do.                                                    
But my Mama says I trust too much–                            
An empath through and through.                                   
I let their hurts kill me                                          
‘Cause His love fills me.                                             
They try to ignore the pain.                                  
Maybe they’re more sane?                                  
I couldn’t stop if I wanted to                                 
‘Cause this is who I am.                                      
I love the people–                                            
You can’t stop that on demand.                            
I cry their tears; take night watchDSCN1058                      
They try to numb the scars                              
I may have botched common sense,                 
But I love them as they are.                         
 ¶                                                                                         They’re drowning life out with relationships;      
I’m praying that He’ll get through.                    
Only He can fill their voids.                         
I’m praying He’ll do that too.                            
It hurts sometimes
When I don’t see results,
And they’re running away with my soul,
But His love binds.
I’m committed; I’ll fight their battlesOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
Or die trying.
 I can’t heal mortal wounds;
I can’t slow their dying.
He can save them, though.
If they’d only ask.
Is He working?
I can’t tell.
But I can hope against hope
That morning will come
That they’ll see the light,
Come to the Son.
What seems hopeless isn’t.
There’s an army by my side. 
I don’t know what God’s doing,
But I’m along for the ride.
The pondering…
Being a lover of lost causes sounds much more exciting and artsy than it is. Really it is discouraging. Really it tears my  heart in a thousand different directions as people take parts away with them. I never hear from them again, though I still pray for them from time to time. It is disheartening to never see results.
I read Revelations, and it makes me weep because I know many members of ‘Babylon’… the sinful and sexually immoral. But I sin too. Jesus loves me. He loves them. They misuse His name, though He died so they might live. They just don’t understand! Jesus, open their eyes. Would some, even if they understood, still turn away? My heart says yes. That makes me sad.
All I can do is pray and befriend them. That doesn’t seem like much. That doesn’t seem like enough to do for them. They have been hurt by the world; they know no other way.’They’ could so easily be me had I been born to different parents four houses down the street.
My mission field…the lost causes. Why me God? Surely someone else could have don’t a better job? Surely someone else could have won more, and could have planted more seeds by being less afraid? But You have put me here, so I will try, even though I am discouraged and I feel like I am failing You. For Your sake I will keep trying.
The end.
Categories: My Life, Poems, Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , , | 11 Comments

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11 thoughts on “A Poem & A Pondering

  1. Lin Turner

    Wow! Love the poem and the thoughts and your sensitive heart! God is working in and through your life. I am blessed by you. Let God use your hurtings for Him and His glory…the scars that count most are HIs. Love ya. Write on!

  2. “I let their hurts kill me
    ‘Cause His love fills me. ”

    Hold onto that empathy. It’s a good hurt.
    To paraphrase a scrap of a James Taylor song:
    Never do let it fall
    Prey to the dust and the rust and the ruin
    That names us and claims us and shames us all

    Because it is a shame how easily our hearts harden.
    In increments, little by little, so that we hardly notice.
    How many times I’ve felt the longing to care like He cares, only to fall prey again to my own selfish desires….

    • Yes. It is a fight to keep my heart tender, and stay attuned to his heart for them.

      And, on a lighter note…two comments? Did you miss us that weekend?

  3. …but He calls me back again and again, holding out His broken heart as an example of what mine could be. And He calls them, too, the ones who have never once responded to His voice.

    “But I can hope against hope
    That morning will come
    That they’ll see the light,
    Come to the Son.”


  4. Viewed from our human perspective, it can be so discouraging. But what I thought of when I read your post was the example of the Apostle Paul. Talk about a lost cause! As Saul he was the person most hostile and vehement in his persecution of the early church. He was the pre-eminent example and poster boy for being anti-christian. Then he met Jesus on the road to Damascus and his life was turned on its head.

    It’s a bit funny (but serious too) when we read Ananias response to God about all this. “But Ananias answered, ‘Lord, I have heard from many about this man, how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priests to bind all who call on your name.’ But the Lord said to him, ‘Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel.'”” (Acts 9:13-14) We might laugh at the absurdity of Ananias questioning the efficacy of God’s own personal evangelistic mission on Saul, but it is a reminder to us to examine our own attitudes, and to stand in awe of what God can do.

    Another thing we can take away from the example of Paul: we would all like to be the Ananias in someone’s conversion story. But we mustn’t forget the other end of Paul’s conversion story–which began with the stoning of Stephen. Often we are the metaphorical Stephan in someone’s life. We might not come anywhere near to literally dying, and the person in question may not attack us with stones, but we are in “Stephen’s place” of feeling all the pain and seeing none of the fruit. And yet, in time (maybe long after we are gone) the fruit will still come because God is faithful.

    • I try to remember that there is hope for the lost causes, but I guess I don’t have enough faith. I’m Ananias and then some as far as the questioning goes.

      And, as you said, it is good to remember that not all are harvesters.

  5. Destinee

    Thanks again soo much for this post. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It will give me something to ponder on… Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement!! I’m printing it out to read again in the future. 🙂

  6. Destinee

    Another comment…:) I had to think–when you reach out to the people that you’re talking about, there will be times when they do hurt you. I’ve experienced it. And it doesn’t feel good. It’s extremely painful. But it’s when I can look past what they did to me, and realize that it’s really not because they’re trying to hurt me, but rather, because other people (their parents, friends, family) have hurt them a lottt more than they hurt me, and they are trying to get away from that and find acceptance and healing from those hurts. It’s easier to forgive them when you have that perspective. And it’s easier to continue loving them and just befriending them (as you mentioned). Those are my thoughts from my experiences. 🙂

    • First thing first. I will respond to your first comment: I am thankful that you found something of substance in my ramblings to ponder, and humbled that you printed it for future reading.

      Second comment: What you are saying is so true. I think I have been extremely fortunate (blessed?) in that I’ve run into very few who are overly bitter towards Christ and outright mean because of that, but then I have known some and observed many more. Your advice on forgiveness is spot on.

      And finally: I was sure I had read your blog at some point (I’m remembering some poems), But now I can’t find it. Am I mistaken, or simply looking in all the wrong places?

      • Destinee

        I should probably say this first of all–I didn’t mean to make it sound like I was extremely hurt by this person…it was painful because she lied a lot to me. And she used me out of my innocent trust. Now, I know that she didn’t exactly mean to hurt me in that way…it’s just that she’s been so hurt that all she can think is ways to get out of that. I don’t know if this makes any sense… 🙂 And it really disappointed me because she made some choices and reaped some consequences that I had always hoped soo badly she wouldn’t do!!!
        And as far as reading my blog…I don’t have a blog, and never did, so you must be thinking of someone else. 🙂

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