The Persuit of Freedom

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI carry a guilt I wish I could lose. I wish I could stop it from hindering my joy and peace; I wish I could stop it from eating me with it’s whisperings of “never good enough”. In my head I know I have been forgiven, but my heart doesn’t ring with the belief of those words, and it’s hard for me to forgive myself. So it is that I bear this load and allow it to steal my happiness. I don’t know how to let go.

I believe that God loves others. I ask Him to show me them though His eyes. I believe that He’ll forgive and free them. Only recently have I asked to see myself through His lens. Only recently have I questioned my lack of freedom, after prepping to teach a lesson on ultimate freedom. I remember how it felt to be “free indeed”, and I want that again.

There were no posts these last weeks because I didn’t know what to write. It wasn’t really writer’s block because I could write; it was just that I couldn’t write about these Spiritual things because there was nothing to say. This weeks’s post marks the early stages of a new journey segment, or maybe one that has been an understory all along. This is the journey to feel and fully believe the freedom I have in Christ, not some human driven “self-love journey”, but a journey driven by the Spiritual.

God loves me as much as He loves my precious people, which means He loves me more than words can say. And He loves me just as I am . I can’t improve to impress Him.These are easy words to say, but they are harder (for me at least) to fully believe. I know my faults, flaws and failings. In the redemption of Christ, though, I am called to claim this freedom, and I shall by His grace.

That’s where’m at on the journey now. Where are you? How can I pray for you this week? Isn’t it amazing how God works differently in each of His human creations simultaneously? God be praised!

‘Til next time,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      V.

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Categories: My Life, Ponderings, rants | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “The Persuit of Freedom

  1. Anonymous

    Your blog post has, once again, hit me – spot on. Galatians 5:13 says, “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty as an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” A couple of months ago, I read that verse, and it hit me…it’s a very powerful verse! I realized that we are actually called to live a life of liberty. God does not want us to be “bound” by anything – big or small. He calls us all to liberty – and I think it’s only when we are completely free in Christ that we can fully live out His purpose for our lives. Having freedom in Christ is not something that’s an option for us – it’s something we are supposed to be doing if we’re living for Christ.
    I agree with you though – sometimes I feel soo imperfect. At times, when my imperfections are shown to me especially much, I get discouraged. Because I feel like I’m soo far from where God wants me to be, and from where I want to be. It wants to rob me of my joy.
    I’ve heard already that joy and happiness are two different things. Happiness is more of an emotion that we feel when things are going good. Happiness can be taken away when we go thru a hard time. On the other hand, joy is something that we should ALWAYS have – even when we’re going thru the hardest of times. It’s something that should radiate from deep within us…and show to the world around us what God has to offer.
    When I am not truly at liberty in Christ, not only is my happiness robbed, but my joy wants to slip out of me as well. I’ve been feeling this lately – and I’m amazed at the way God used your blog post to encourage me, and show me that I’m not the only one struggling with this. Thank you for being used of God!!

  2. I’m still reading, and I’m still on a journey of my own. But it takes me a while to find any kind of word for it. I’m also reading “A Million Little Ways” and “Grace for the Good Girl” both by Emily Freeman. These are not the types of books I normally read, but I’m finding them quite uncanny; it’s like she’s been living inside of my head, only longer than I have been, so she’s gotten her thoughts a little more developed and her insights a little (a lot!) more cutting than I have. She is either saying things (mostly in A Million Little Ways) that makes me say “Yes! That’s exactly what I was trying to say! That’s exactly what I thought God was trying to tell me!” Or else, in the case of “Grace” it can be an almost painful read as she prods all the tender spots I didn’t know I had, all while creating such an precise image of me that I begin to understand, once again, that nothing has come upon me that isn’t common to all mankind. If you can get your hands on either of them, you might also find them very helpful.

    In the mean time, “I don’t know how to let go,” is pretty much my mantra, too. . .

  3. For the record, I didn’t see this post before I sent my email last night so there was no deliberate reference to this in that on my part. But when I read this today I thought, “Wow, my comments in that email on ‘beating oneself up’ kind of intersected with this post.” So you already know how I also struggle with this.

    As an aside, I would observe that I think it is good sometimes to be silent on our spiritual journey. Sometimes for weeks, or months, we have nothing to say. And that is not necessarily a bad thing.

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