I carry a guilt I wish I could lose. I wish I could stop it from hindering my joy and peace; I wish I could stop it from eating me with it’s whisperings of “never good enough”. In my head I know I have been forgiven, but my heart doesn’t ring with the belief of those words, and it’s hard for me to forgive myself. So it is that I bear this load and allow it to steal my happiness. I don’t know how to let go.
I believe that God loves others. I ask Him to show me them though His eyes. I believe that He’ll forgive and free them. Only recently have I asked to see myself through His lens. Only recently have I questioned my lack of freedom, after prepping to teach a lesson on ultimate freedom. I remember how it felt to be “free indeed”, and I want that again.
There were no posts these last weeks because I didn’t know what to write. It wasn’t really writer’s block because I could write; it was just that I couldn’t write about these Spiritual things because there was nothing to say. This weeks’s post marks the early stages of a new journey segment, or maybe one that has been an understory all along. This is the journey to feel and fully believe the freedom I have in Christ, not some human driven “self-love journey”, but a journey driven by the Spiritual.
God loves me as much as He loves my precious people, which means He loves me more than words can say. And He loves me just as I am . I can’t improve to impress Him.These are easy words to say, but they are harder (for me at least) to fully believe. I know my faults, flaws and failings. In the redemption of Christ, though, I am called to claim this freedom, and I shall by His grace.
That’s where’m at on the journey now. Where are you? How can I pray for you this week? Isn’t it amazing how God works differently in each of His human creations simultaneously? God be praised!
‘Til next time, V.