Some things I know, like my feelings about humanity. Things like that are easy to express, but other things defy me when I attempt to wrangle them into words. Like if I tried to tell you where I am on the journey now I don’t know If I could do it. I’m looking forward and behind. I’m reading a lot of God’s word, but I don’t feel like I’m ingesting a lot. I’m disagreeing with many nice Christian people that I respect. At least, I’m disagreeing in my head; it doesn’t always reach my lips. Worse, I’m agreeing with people that they would consider bad role models or worse. Prayer right now is interesting. I think how far I’ve come from years ago, and I’m not sure I like the change. Mostly, right now I am discontent.
I wrote Sunday: If passivity is bad in schools isn’t it also bad in the church? Wouldn’t we accomplish more and grow more by getting together and reaching people with mercy in the real world than just talking about doing things? Wouldn’t we grow more conversing and praying together about or specific, individual circumstances than having a pastor speak and pray in generalizations? There are people to reach! Shouldn’t we be working in the best way possible instead of clinging to tradition or our own sakes?
If we are truly Jesus followers we shouldn’t be afraid of radical. We shouldn’t be afraid of exposing ourselves to the sinners on the streets–Jesus wasn’t. Jesus was more averse to hypocritical, religious tradition, so shouldn’t we be too?We play at a perfect facade that alienates people. It’s easier to play perfect in passivity. If we have to interact beyond greeting time then it’s harder to hide our brokenness, so why don’t we interact beyond that three minutes? Our brokenness is what unites us with God and each other.
We I need to escape the facade.
I because it’s easy to judge the nice Christian people, and harder to escape the theater. I because I’m tired of being comfortable, but scared of the future and what it might hold. I because I blend in a crowd pretty well right now, and part of me isn’t okay with that fact. I’m discontent, but not quite ready to move, I guess. I desperately want to move, but the longer I wait the less I feel like changing. I’m not sure if I even know how to escape. Quitting life’s demands isn’t the answer, but neither is acquiring more time-eating activities. Quitting my church isn’t the answer just now either because the people there need to see truth too, and I am working towards that goal. Passively sitting for sermons isn’t the answer, but what church doesn’t do that? I probably don’t have to option to stop, and if I did I don’t know where I’d go.
Well, that’s my best attempt at defining now. What’s yours? Where are you now? Have you been where I am? Do you have any advice?