Where I’m Missing it

God gave us personalities, words, colors, sweat, sunsets, and water. God gave us a world with hard edges, sea slugs, music, friendship, and photosynthesis. We know beauty, and pain,  hard work, and freedom because He made it so. Yet I blame God too frequently. I ask what He’s doing; I claim to seek  His answers and still manage to miss the point that’s right in front of me most of the time. I could go on about the diversity of  His planet and His people– He made mud, optimists, trees, blood, winter, predators, teachers, and valleys. I could go on, but I think you’ll get the point: I’m too self-centered to even consider the wonder in one of the things listed above most days.  Most days I think about me and the people that I see. I think about ideas that are important to me.

God is speaking absolutely everywhere,  and I miss it. I miss God working in the solar system, and the ecosystem, and the Church. I fail to appreciate His art, but I make time to read human’s vain attempts to capture it in words. See the contradiction? I miss His art while rushing to the next thing, studying for the next test, or talking to the next person about Him without really even beginning to grasp a fraction of what He is doing around me.

I never was  good at silence. I’d try to sit, try to listen to God, but thoughts of obligations, past encounters, and responsibilities crowded my brain in seconds. Now I try silence less. I can do intercessory prayer. I can do supplication with passion and vigor, but not silence. I also have trouble making worship real. Worship and silence, and confession…not that I don’t want to confess, but it seems a lot like a psychological exercise to think back and pinpoint each sin from the day. It seems a lot more binding (a lot less freeing) than people make it out to be.

These are my failings–the areas where I feel stuck. I don’t feel like I’m growing in these places, and I don’t know how I’m going to change that. On so many levels I see God working every day now; I am unreasonably happy when I come home from school. On so many levels God is working, but I see the areas where I’m not getting anywhere, and I get frustrated. How can I grow here?

Maybe too many of my posts have been negative lately. I don’t mean for that to be. God is working. God is exciting me daily, but I still see so much room for improvement. I still see so many areas of stagnation.  I want to push on, I want to change, I want to grow.

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Categories: My Life, Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Where I’m Missing it

  1. Worship and silence, and confession…not that I don’t want to confess, but it seems a lot like a psychological exercise to think back and pinpoint each sin from the day. It seems a lot more binding (a lot less freeing) than people make it out to be.

    Hmmm. It does seem to me an awful lot like “pyschological exercise” to think back and pinpoint each sin from the day. I’ll grant it has great credence in the Roman Catholic church with confession to the priest, but I question whether that kind of mentality is truly biblical. If we are convicted of sin by all means we should repent. But when we go digging around for sin are we following the leading of the Spirit or the methodology of Satan? My first reaction is that kind of obsession with sin is something that appeals to Satan, not the Spirit of God. In the Psalms we are told to lay upon our bed and meditate on the Law of the Lord, not meditate on ourselves.

    So my gut reaction is that the methodology you mention is binding, and also perhaps a good way to become self-deceived (as if to think we could somehow find out all the sin we’ve done in a day!).

    I see the areas where I’m not getting anywhere, and I get frustrated. How can I grow here?” That statement is at least unintentionally ironic when the thing you referenced was being still. It would seem that if “Be still and know that I am God” is the fruit that needs to grow then stop doing and stop getting anywheres and stop being frustrated and just being still is the needful thing. 😉

    • Your perspectives on confession “exercises” are a relief. Thanks for sharing. Also, your thoughts in your last paragraph are interesting. I’m so self-focused I totally missed the contradiction! Something to think about..

  2. Confession is Spirit-led – not self-guilt-digging led. We know when we’re having a bad attitude, being rude to a family member – that’s a great time to confess and ask for the freeing power of Christ over our sin to help us live beyond that. Sometimes we need to ask – God, is there any area I am wronging you in? Other times… nothing comes to mind… don’t worry about it. Praise God and move on in power and love!

    • Good advice. Sometimes I think that I feel guilty for all of the wrong reasons, and that the right things to feel guilty about don’t occur to me.All too often I wrap chains around myself, forfeiting the freedom Christ bought.

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