For Good

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI prayed so hard that this day wouldn’t come. I never wanted it to come to this. That one of my very closest friends would hang himself…I had hoped that he wouldn’t have the nerve. I had prayed for him more than I’ve prayed for anyone else ever, even years before I knew he had had these thoughts. Now there is denial  and anger and there were tears, but mostly I am okay now. I am here to love and help the people, to be their safe place, to point them to God. Because that is who I am. That is what I do always.

I have few regrets. I wish I had checked my Facebook sooner, wish I had stopped and chased him that day. That was what he wanted–for someone to chase him and prove he was loved. But we talked about God, and that is what matters. Take it from me…don’t chicken out. Life is short and fragile and uncertain. Fulfill the great commission in a good and gentle way always. Make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil. Love the people. Point them to God. That is the only thing that really matters in the end.

God is using this. It is one thing to say that God uses evil for good, but it is another thing to  see it all around you. God has opened doors for me to minister to so many more beautiful, broken people through this. He is reaching them. And there are Christians praying against the darkness which still wants to use this for its purposes. This is a very real battle here, but what God is doing is nothing short of amazing. I serve a great, powerful, and very good God.

The story isn’t over yet. I don’t have a conclusion for this post. I am still in the midst of everything: mourning the loss of a friend, hoping he made the right choice about God in the end, watching open mouthed as God brings both people I had been working to love and people I had subconsciously labeled as nearly hopeless cases to Him through this. I pray that He gives me the right words to say. Right now I know that I am undoubtedly right where he wants me to be, and I know that he is using me. And that is amazing. Now I just pray that my humanness doesn’t get in the way and mess things up, though God works in weakness.

I guess, for now, if you take anything from this post it should be this: God is good. God is good absolutely positively all the time.

 

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Categories: My Life, Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , , | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “For Good

  1. Linda Turner

    Bess you, dear Veronicah Rose. Praying.

  2. Nastya Andreyevna

    Oh man, I am so, SO sorry. I know there aren’t any words that can EVER possibly heal the pain, but I wish that you’ll be surrounded by love and comfort from God. And remember that it’s always, always okay to grieve and feel whatever emotions you’re feeling, it’s okay to NOT feel like God is good absolutely, positively all of the time. It’s okay to sit with the pain and the devastating questions. I’ve been there. >.<

    Much love to you, friend. And remember, you can ALWAYS email me for anything!!!!! If there's anything I can do or if you just need to rant, I'm still around, happy to listen. ((HUGS))

    • Thank you, Nastya. 🙂 Yes, there are moments when I still question, and am devastated. Nights when I have trouble sleeping. But I am surrounded by wonderful people who support me, in real life and online. And I am surrounded by twilight zone souls seeking answers. I am just where I need to be. I can love the people, and be loved on…

      Sometimes I feel numb and the tears won’t come. And sometimes as I hug his mom and brother and little sister I ask God why. But then I watch as He draws yet another person to him through this. It’s confusing. I never wanted this to happen, but it did, and God is using it for good.

  3. I am sorry you must experience this, but if we abandon the hurting so that we will not be hurt ourselves that is worse.

    You said, “mostly I am okay now” and I am sure it feels that way right now. But in my own experience six months or a year from now (or whatever) this will come back as something that must be wrestled with again, perhaps even more so. Live today, but don’t be surprised if down the road you are again wrestling with this incident when you thought you were “done” with it.

    I don’t know that the song “The Whole World is Watching” has anything to do with your post. I am adding it because every time I hear the song I think you would like it (and maybe you are already familiar with it). The non-Christian lyrics irk me a tad with their self exalting “save yourself” mentality, but I think in one’s own mind they can be tweaked a bit to embody the New Testament call to radical service because of what Christ as done on our behalf: http://youtu.be/VRNPkJ0ELPc

    • Oh yes, it comes back. I can be mostly okay one moment and a mess of emotions inside the next. I can be mostly okay for almost two weeks, and then it hits me again. This won’t be something I ever fully come to terms with, I don’t think.

      And, of course you have a good idea of my taste in music. I really like that song. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Karen Martin

    I’ll make no attempt to give you any Words of Wisdom, just know that I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

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