Posts Tagged With: job

Conformist Success?

I like to think sometimes that I am a nonconformist, but really I work within the system, and today I am tentatively excited to announce that I’m taking what I’m hoping is a step up within that system. I’ve gotten accepted for a new job. I don’t expect it to be perfect. Nothing is all it’s advertised to be, but I can say that the workers there that I saw through the large glass window while I waited in the lobby for my interview, well…they seemed happy. Happiness at work is something I value highly…though a laid back dress code, flexible hours, and benefits don’t hurt either. I wonder what the names of those people are? I wonder, what are their stories?

I’m taking a risk. Today I have to tell the owner of the grocery store, see if he’ll keep me on part time or not. Today I’m taking a tangible, somewhat scary step forward in response to my restless spirit, of late. I’m accepting the possibility of leaving my comfortable, routine job entirely after my two weeks’ notice is up. I’ve always appreciated the lyrics to the Carmen song that defines faith as “Stepping out on there and finding somethin’ there.” I feel like I’m stepping out on air right now, and I really hope that I do, in fact, find something there. Yet I realize that I may not. And, if that is the case I’ll have to find something else, maybe a lesser job. Performance based employment is risk. Telemarketing isn’t  exactly what many would consider to be an honorable career. But, for me, it is at least a refusal to settle. I see so many people who have given up and settled for a job at the store permanently. Sometimes I see the sentiments that caused them to content themselves with this lot in life in myself, and that scares me. So yeah, that’s what’s new in my life. I’m becoming a doer, and not just a talker. We shall see how it all turns out. Not many people would consider a job of this nature an adventure, but for me it is, and I’m setting out to prove all the naysayers wrong.

So, that’s the long and short of where I am right now. Actually, it’s the short version. There’s more that it isn’t ready to be written yet. But I can’t leave a post as short as two paragraphs, so I’ll share this poem of St. Francis that I happened upon framed on the wall at my sister’s future college. I may write on it more on the future, I know not. For now I shall commentate only that it was thought provoking for me, and I would love to hear your reactions…

 

” 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.
                                                                                                 “

 

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Hopeful

I think too much at work. Think about how, as I get older, life just keeps getting more complex, about how such complexity has stolen some of the light from (my once jovial friend and coworker) Kacey’s eyes. About the stories of each person I meet in the store. And of the people I used to meet in the hallways. Another one of my coworkers asked me that: “Do you remember walking the halls?” Yes, yes I do. I remember thinking about the stories as I surveyed the sea of faces. When the halls were empty I walked by the lockers, I thought of the souls and cried. I remember…

It’s sad how sensitivity dulls with exposure. There are lockers at work too. I’m far enough in now to have begun hearing the stories. People like to think that those who are depressed or self harm are the exceptions. Really, if you dig deep enough, they might be the rule.

“You look happy today.”

“I’m good at faking.”

“I think most people are.”

Sometimes I kick myself for not noticing it in their eyes. You can nearly always catch it there if you watch. Sometimes I hate that I say too much; other times I stay quiet when I should speak up. Occasionally, I get it right. Like last week. A simple not saying essentially “I get it. I’ve been there. I care.”  A brief break from my earthly work to pursue my heavenly calling. “I’m just going to hand this to you and awkwardly walk away. Connecting later on social media. It felt so good to get it right for once.

I miss the school. I miss the little things, like windows. Being cooped up in windowless backrooms in a large rectangular building without so much as a peek at the beauty outdoors is torture. Can I make a difference? I know less and less of the answers as the days go by. I cannot impart a hope I do not possess for myself. It’s easy to lose my own spiritual walk in the fray, to become “Much-afraid” again, even after The Shepherd has changed my name, for those of you who get that reference.

But I think and hope that I won’t be caged in the brick building forever. I think, I hope, that I’m making at least a bit of a positive difference there. Even if it’s just bringing a smile to brighten a coworker’s day as they dub me “Janice Joplin” (Joppie for short), “Robin Hood” or “Minnie Pearl” because of my outlandish hat.

Maybe someday I will work with the people and age group of my passion again. There are hopeful signs: Being friended by a member of the Apache Youth Ministries team that I’d love to work with someday, a mention of a possible student teaching opportunity next year, the camp counseling week in June that I am so looking forward to. It is these things that make my heart skip a beat; It is these things that bring me hope. I pray that I may walk worthy of the calling even in the long, frustrating transition stage of my journey. So…that’s me. Where are you today on your journey, my friends?

Categories: My Life | Tags: , , , , , | 7 Comments

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