Posts Tagged With: sin

Mess Of Ponderings

I think I shall go buy a new wardrobe because the old one doesn’t suit me anymore. How cliche, money-wasting, and impulsive, right? Did I mention that, yet again, it is late and I am writing even though I have to get up at an udgodly hour for work? Old habits never change, do they? Nor do old sins. I struggle with the same things over and over, as any faithful reader of my blog would attest. Meanwhile, Christian movie reviewers at condemn this film partially ( I get that there are other condemning factors) for its underlying theme–questioning people’s ability to truly change. I look around me and within myself and question too.

Anyhow, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a thought provoking movie. Its premise has been the start of several fascinating conversations at work regarding whether or not coworkers would want any portions erased from their memories…when I get the chance to talk. Sometimes it feels like people only listen as a courtesy, and promptly butt in unleashing their problems as soon as a civil point for opening that topic presents itself. But I suppose I have no room to complain. Recently I went to my self-assigned honorary grandmother’s house (she’s a coworker). It only took a few caring questions, and then there was no turning off my babbling. I felt guilty after…but sometimes a person needs to just get everything out, you know? She thinks God wants me to stay at this job right now. I’m not so sure.

Speaking of needing to get it all out… I got a call while at work the other day from an elderly customer. She wanted to know about dog food, although she didn’t yet have a dog, nor any especially hopeful prospects of obtaining one. It ended up that we discussed much more than dog food, however. She told me of her heart problems, she has them like her dad did only worse. They didn’t have the money  to fix him, so his killed him, and her problems, well, they’re past the point that doctors can fix them even though she (apparently) has money, yet she is bound and determined that she’s going to go join the military. After all “Everyone in this town is a nutcase. Don’t you think so?” She ended off saying she’d pray  for me. She just needed someone to talk to. Sometimes I think I get along with the old and the young better than anyone else.

I don’t know where this post is heading or where to end. Nothing has changed since last post. I’m still drawn to the new, but allowing my comfort zone and financial state to hold me back. I thought recently of the title of a John Piper book I once read, though I didn’t particularly care for it:” Don’t Waste Your Life”. Much like the book trailer for Rosalie de Rosset’s “Unseduced and Unshaken”, his title drew me–the questions suggested by it are compelling–but I found the book to be an unsatisfactory answer. How does one go about not wasting his life? How does one gain the willpower to be unseduced and unshaken? Where is the key to fulfillment, and strength, and dignity? Most Christians are afraid to go at  those questions with anything less that Sunday School answers, so, I suppose, to these authors’ credit, at least they tried. Anyhow, I’m once again off topic, and the hour is late. Unfortunately, sleep is a necessity  as is my dull job, at least until I happen upon something better. I suppose this post is naught but a mess of ponderings.

Goodnight my friends.




Categories: Journey Prologues., Ponderings | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


There is this word, grace, that everybody talks about, but nobody lives out or understands. There is this word, grace, that we like to put on candles, and pretty banners, but don’t enjoy embodying. A word that one God/man embodied, and the rest of us ignore. An action word that we can’t wrap our minds around, or comprehend no matter how hard we try; a word I can’t even begin to tell you about because I’ve failed like everybody else.

All sins are created equal. All people, all of us horrible filthy failures are equally bad. Judgementalness, illusions of holiness, giving in to temptation. And even Jesus did not consider equality with God something to be grasped! I think that puts us lower than the lowest of lows; smaller than Horton’s dust speck, so guilty God couldn’t bear to look at our sin in His perfection. And yet He extends us grace, and forgiveness, and love.

He says go and sin no more. He says be holy as I am holy. And we fail. Every single time we fail. And he shows us grace again- He forgives us. He forgives us and looks at us through the blood of the cross seeing us as pure and clean. Over, and over, and over, and over…

How people can look at that and say “whatever” is a mystery to me- but what’s even more befuddling; how I can harden my heart, and lose the awe of it. I can laugh at the Israilites for losing faith in the desert so many times, but to look at myself- I have to keep coming back and rediscovering the incomprehensible beauty of grace because I forget so quickly. Before I know it I’m driving another nail into His wrist and laughing. I have to keep coming back to the foot of the cross over, and over, and over, and over.

I didn’t have anything new to say today. I haven’t told you anything that you haven’t heard before. I’ve just added another paper to the stack titled ‘On Grace’. I’ve just written more babbling over the word that everybody talks about, and nobody lives out.  But let me encourage you to take sometime to mull over this word, and His embodiment of it today. Maybe there’s a reason that so much is written about this word: because we all have to keep coming back over, and over, and over, and over…

Categories: Ponderings | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments


I look around, and I see billions struggling to find their voices in this small world. And who am I? Am I just another voice? You have thousands of voices screaming in your ears, begging for attention, trying to drown out the one voice that really matters. Am I  just one more? There is only one who will not scream; there is one who only whispers. He wants you to have to choose to hear Him. When the journey gets rough and the trials no longer linger in the distance we might listen,  ask for help, or maybe even blame Him. When something pushes us to hear the still small voice we’re there in an instant, but other times? Not so.

Something big happens, and we pledge our lives to Him no matter what, we all mean it; our voices raise in unison. But two months from the event where will we be? Will we be teaching about the voice with a great following, ourselves lifted high, prideful? Teaching the voice based only on a vague remembrance of its light? Pride comes before a fall. I’ve been there.

Will we be striving to be that one, dreaming of being the voice people listen to? Wishing to be on top of the pile. Wanting to be that famous author, actor, or singer? Two months from making Him our all in all will we be discontent? Or will we have forgotten the yearning, and be content with just one spiritual meal per week in church on Sunday? I have been all of these things, but I am not sure that I have been what I mention next.

Faithful: living in Him, loving Him, yearning for more of Him through thick and thin. When God  surveys His people will He find you and me to be those set apart as Ezekiel, Mary, and Noah? Over all of the others will He find us seeking the whisper, our voices transforming to become like His? I pray so.

We so often forget that anything we put above Him becomes an idol, becomes a sin. We like the word picture of revival, but obedience ranks far behind in popularity. God isn’t looking for more Christians who proclaim Jesus only with their mouth; God is looking for people wh proclaim Jesus with their actions day, after day, after day.  It is these people whom He will choose to be His voices (I hope to someday be one of these). These people who obey God even when they don’t understand, it is these people who will stand out to Him among the voices. And isn’t that what really matters?

Categories: Ponderings | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

Create a free website or blog at